You'll LOVE Richard Haxton’s songs! They're totally COOL!
If that description does it for you, you might not want to read the next paragraph. It could be disturbing.
Because you might not like some of Richard Haxton’s songs. Hell, sometimes even Richard doesn’t like some of them. Sometimes some of them don’t like him. Sometimes they act crazy, like when one leaves a Big Black Hole in its center that only a listener who travels with his/her own gravitational field can move around in. “So what category does this music fit into?” you might ask. And we have an answer for you, “Yes! It does!” “OK” you say, “but is the range of approaches here HUGE and WIDE enough that I can find something that grabs me in that Very Special Way?” While we’re conducting our detailed investigation on what’s special for you, let us say this — it is possible that one of these songs might cause you to take an extra private moment, just for yourself, when, at the exact moment a song causes a laugh to involuntarily burst out of you, it sends a love probe into your distracted heart, or when a song keeps trying to bribe you with the promise of some shiny trinket until it gets you to take a walk around the corner with it, where it stands clear and watches, while you try to Dance with Godzilla. Yes, these songs can be tricky, and sometimes they’re not to be trusted, especially when they decide to say what they want to say, not what The Singer or Command Central wants them to say — unless, of course, that singer is serving up mindless pablum or propaganda, which, thankfully, is not to be found in This Our Enlightened Nation. So you say, “Anyway, funny songs and serious songs can’t live together in the same place because they will cancel each other out.” We say — “Tell that to Shakespeare” (No Qualitative Comparison Intended). And by the way, while you’re listening always keep your pliers and crowbar handy, because around here, a funny song and a serious song might turn out to be the same song.
You say you’re sick and tired of the conventional, one-size-fits-all-big-business-seal-of-approval-stamped river of drivel that populates the Zeitgeist these days (in those places far far away, of course). Quick, check yourself into a government or corporate reprogramming facility! You say you did check yourself in, but the tune-up didn’t work, and you’re still desperately searching for a musical vehicle that, in the relentless pursuit of some higher truth, finds it necessary to take onboard and harbor a lowly lie or two. We don’t know whether or not our little UFO is for you (your Personal Preference Investigation results are not back yet) but since you did bother to read this far, we suspect that you must have been disappointed by “Reality” before, and now you realize that what you really need is a Soothing Soft-lit Ambient Wave that washes over you as it floats the illusion of a Hipper/Cooler Lifestyle; what you really need is a simple Sonic Pacifier doubling as a Rubber Stamp for all those Insanely Comforting Party Line Ideas (whatever kind of line you like to party in). Well, in that case: Congratulations, Sucka! It’s muthalode-time! No lie! Welcome a-bored!
The Pathetic-Attempt-at-Validation Footnote: “The Test of Love and Sex” by Richard’s band Fun with Animals is Weird Al’s Number One Underrated Funny Song according to cracked.com.
Copyright © 2014 Richard Haxton